What separates a church from a corporation? And I'm not talking about the technical or logistical things, such as taxes and whatnot. I'm talking about motives.
Every corporation has a motto. A one-sentence summary of their core values and what their company stands for. The motto is everything, but the motto is also a lie. Corporations have a bad reputation for a reason. They are cold. People are reduced to numbers. Numbers that are often indispensable. They run on profit and efficiency, not compassion and emotion.
So again, I ask: What separates a church from a corporation?
The answer should be obvious. In fact, we are probably quick to point out the differences. But what happens when we look deeper? When you take a closer look, especially at the members of a church, the lines between business and church start to become blurry.
For example, let's talk about volunteers. There are many ways in which the church is lacking, but is there a bigger instance of the church acting like a jerk than when it comes to volunteers? The way they are treated, the way I have been treated as a volunteer is just wrong. Not only are so many people guilted into serving, but we expect them to show the same amount of dedication to volunteering as they do their jobs. They are exhausted. Seriously, churches have you taken a look at your volunteers? Do they seem to be serving from a heart of joy? We are literally running people into the ground. And yet, we still find the audacity to chastise them out of a misplaced sense of self-righteousness.
Oi. I'm sorry. This is something that fills me with so much anger. Actually, the whole topic just makes me mad.
I know I am hard on the church. But you end up being the hardest on the things you love the most. And guys, I do love the church. Which is why it literally breaks my heart to see it in this way. I know the only way to change what I see is to love the church. And I am trying. It's just...my heart hurts for the church. I want so much to see it become what it should be.
I just...I have sadly witnessed one too many churches that have
adopted a business-like mindset. And nothing seems more illogical to me
than that. A church should not be run on what is most efficient or
profitable to itself. At it's core, at the fundamental level, a church
should be run on heart. Otherwise what's the point? Without
compassion and love, all you're left with is a cold building filled with
obligation and apathy.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Pardon my Insignificance
I am never made more aware of just how truly small I am then when I look up at the stars.
I suppose it's a lot like staring at the ocean. It goes on and on, further than your mind can even seem to comprehend. And while staring at it, it seems to get bigger, and closer. Almost to the point where you think you can reach out and hold it in the palm of your hand. However, we all know that can't be done, because the ocean and the night sky are things that we can never fully touch.We can't ever think to contain it. Coming face to face with that much raw beauty really forces you to put your life into focus.
James 4:14 says "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
The fact that James refers to our lives to something as fleeting as mist really puts things into perspective. I mean..can you imagine what our lives would look like if we truly realized our own insignificance?
I know that sounds rather mean, but that isn't my intention. It's just that I have the unfortunate habit of letting the silliest of things get in the way of my relationship with God. I allow these completely mundane things, whether it be a guy, anxiety over something out of my control, or just an "off" day, to become giant hurdles in my walk with God.
For example, tonight was amazing. I am apart of an on-campus ministry and I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing it has been to me this semester. And tonight the speaker was ON POINT...actually the whole night was just on point, there's no other way to describe it. And yet, even while listening to this amazing message, I was struggling to keep my focus on the right things. It was shifting to myself and I was letting someone determine my level of confidence and self value. How utterly ridiculous of me to focus on something so small.
I just feel that if I truly had a clear understanding of what James is saying, these things wouldn't matter so much. I'm not saying that they would go away and staying focused on God would be as simple as tying your shoe (which okay, maybe not the best analogy...learning how to tie a shoe can be a quite difficult goal to achieve). And I think since we live in a fallen world, there will always be things fighting to keep our attention away. However, I believe I would operate with a less self-involved mindset if I truly came to the realization that my life, as a whole, is nothing but a disappearing mist.
We never want to openly talk about it, but our time here on earth is so short. There are days, or even years that may seem long, but in the grand scheme of things, our lives are so insignificant. And instead of spending so much energy focusing on the oh so very dumb, small things, why not use it to actually do something worthwhile for God?
Just a thought.
I suppose it's a lot like staring at the ocean. It goes on and on, further than your mind can even seem to comprehend. And while staring at it, it seems to get bigger, and closer. Almost to the point where you think you can reach out and hold it in the palm of your hand. However, we all know that can't be done, because the ocean and the night sky are things that we can never fully touch.We can't ever think to contain it. Coming face to face with that much raw beauty really forces you to put your life into focus.
James 4:14 says "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
The fact that James refers to our lives to something as fleeting as mist really puts things into perspective. I mean..can you imagine what our lives would look like if we truly realized our own insignificance?
I know that sounds rather mean, but that isn't my intention. It's just that I have the unfortunate habit of letting the silliest of things get in the way of my relationship with God. I allow these completely mundane things, whether it be a guy, anxiety over something out of my control, or just an "off" day, to become giant hurdles in my walk with God.
For example, tonight was amazing. I am apart of an on-campus ministry and I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing it has been to me this semester. And tonight the speaker was ON POINT...actually the whole night was just on point, there's no other way to describe it. And yet, even while listening to this amazing message, I was struggling to keep my focus on the right things. It was shifting to myself and I was letting someone determine my level of confidence and self value. How utterly ridiculous of me to focus on something so small.
I just feel that if I truly had a clear understanding of what James is saying, these things wouldn't matter so much. I'm not saying that they would go away and staying focused on God would be as simple as tying your shoe (which okay, maybe not the best analogy...learning how to tie a shoe can be a quite difficult goal to achieve). And I think since we live in a fallen world, there will always be things fighting to keep our attention away. However, I believe I would operate with a less self-involved mindset if I truly came to the realization that my life, as a whole, is nothing but a disappearing mist.
We never want to openly talk about it, but our time here on earth is so short. There are days, or even years that may seem long, but in the grand scheme of things, our lives are so insignificant. And instead of spending so much energy focusing on the oh so very dumb, small things, why not use it to actually do something worthwhile for God?
Just a thought.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Sleeper Awake
"Therefore it says, 'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"
-Ephesians 5:14
Have you ever felt a burden before? They can be quite troublesome sometimes. I have one and I think it's quite obvious what it is for. The reason I blog about the church all the time is because it weighs on my heart and my mind daily.
(Before I begin, I would like to say that I am including myself in this scolding.)
Anyways.
Last Sunday I was at church and I noticed that so many people around me were talking and having their own conversations during. And I know I shouldn't have let it bother me. I should have just ignored it and kept worshiping. Except I couldn't because nothing bothers me more than people being disrespectful during worship. It just...oh my it is a huge pet peeve. And while it frustrates me, I can't imagine what it must feel like to the worship leader to look out on the congregation and see this. It must not feel very nice.
What hypocrites we are. We sing songs about fire and a passion for God that burns deep within us, but we can't even summon enough energy to pay attention during a fifteen minute worship service.
I know I rag on pastoral leadership quite often but it's no wonder so many are discouraged. We as a congregation are discouraging.
I know that we all have our low moments and can't have those "mountaintop" moments every single day of the year (although it would be rather lovely, wouldn't it?) I understand that. In fact, I'm quite guilty of determining whether or not a service was "good" by what songs were played, or how talented the worship leader was. Which is entirely wrong and ridiculous. However, what I can't seem to understand is this persistent feeling of apathy and deadness that seems to permeate so many modern church services.
Where is our fire? Our boldness? Our life?
Come on, Church.
-Ephesians 5:14
(Before I begin, I would like to say that I am including myself in this scolding.)
Anyways.
Last Sunday I was at church and I noticed that so many people around me were talking and having their own conversations during. And I know I shouldn't have let it bother me. I should have just ignored it and kept worshiping. Except I couldn't because nothing bothers me more than people being disrespectful during worship. It just...oh my it is a huge pet peeve. And while it frustrates me, I can't imagine what it must feel like to the worship leader to look out on the congregation and see this. It must not feel very nice.
What hypocrites we are. We sing songs about fire and a passion for God that burns deep within us, but we can't even summon enough energy to pay attention during a fifteen minute worship service.
I know I rag on pastoral leadership quite often but it's no wonder so many are discouraged. We as a congregation are discouraging.
I know that we all have our low moments and can't have those "mountaintop" moments every single day of the year (although it would be rather lovely, wouldn't it?) I understand that. In fact, I'm quite guilty of determining whether or not a service was "good" by what songs were played, or how talented the worship leader was. Which is entirely wrong and ridiculous. However, what I can't seem to understand is this persistent feeling of apathy and deadness that seems to permeate so many modern church services.
Where is our fire? Our boldness? Our life?
Come on, Church.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
You Delight in Me and You Call Me Yours
Similar (actually this is pretty much the same post, but with a bit more perspective) to my previous post, I unfortunately have to say that this week did not start off as pleasantly as it could have. I'm beginning to think Monday's hate me.
This self-doubting bug has seemed not only to have bit me, but also made a home in my brain as well. I know it's a gross analogy, but I've never been very good at analogies, so please just accept this one.
Despite finding these past few weeks tiring and a bit full of heartache, I am not unaware of how God is working on me. I have always viewed God as my father. However, I often go through these times where I decide that I am independent and happy enough to not rely as heavily on Him as I know I should. It's almost like I'm saying "Hey God, you know I love you and want to spend my life with you, but I think I can make these decisions and these things on my own right now."
Yeah, not very great of me.
And unsurprisingly, it's in these times that I usually end up falling flat on my face. Because to be honest, a lot of brokenness currently and has resided in me at various points in my life. There are many things that I exhibit caution in, but when it comes to my heart, I can be quite reckless with it. And because of that tendency, I end up getting hurt, and with that hurt, self-doubt and lack of worth like to tag along as well, making me one giant, frustrating, blubbering mess. I so often struggle with self-worth. One thought that always seem to be bouncing around in my head is the idea that no one would ever be interested in me. Gosh. Just writing that makes me cringe in so many ways because I know how deeply pathetic that sounds. Nevertheless though, it's true.
About a week or so ago, my roommate told me something that I hold very close to my heart. She told me that one day I would find someone who finds all of my "quirks" adorable. I know it sounds rather vain of me but at the time, I found comfort in these words because I feel like such an oddball most days and the idea that a guy would not only accept those quirks but also love them made me feel hopeful. And I think part of the reason most of us want to be married or in relationships, is because we so badly desire to have someone who understands and accepts us just as we are.
I think you all probably know where I'm going with this, but I think God is trying to bring me to a place where I realize that I have this already. I have someone who looks at me with love and understanding. Someone who finds my quirks endearing. Which is good since He happens to be the one that made me.
How weird is it to think that the being that created us, not only looks at us with love but also delights in us? Like...He doesn't look at us, shake his head and moan about all the mistakes we make. He doesn't wish that He could just crumple us up and start over again. He delights in us. I have heard that phrase so so SO much, but I feel like today it is starting to impact me in a different way. Or maybe God is softening my heart to accept this as a truth. Either way, it's incredibly comforting and I am deeply thankful for it.
I can't end this post with any concluding idea, mainly since I feel that I've just started this...healing? May I call it that? process. In fact, I feel rather raw and my prayer this week has been that God would literally place his hands over mine and hold my heart together since I can't seem to do a very good job at it. But I can say that not only is this going to bring me closer to God, but it's also teaching me the true meaning of joy. Joy is not an emotion, but rather a state of mind. And despite how hurt I may feel, how can I not have joy when I have a creator who delights in me?
What a beautiful thought that is.
This self-doubting bug has seemed not only to have bit me, but also made a home in my brain as well. I know it's a gross analogy, but I've never been very good at analogies, so please just accept this one.
Despite finding these past few weeks tiring and a bit full of heartache, I am not unaware of how God is working on me. I have always viewed God as my father. However, I often go through these times where I decide that I am independent and happy enough to not rely as heavily on Him as I know I should. It's almost like I'm saying "Hey God, you know I love you and want to spend my life with you, but I think I can make these decisions and these things on my own right now."
Yeah, not very great of me.
And unsurprisingly, it's in these times that I usually end up falling flat on my face. Because to be honest, a lot of brokenness currently and has resided in me at various points in my life. There are many things that I exhibit caution in, but when it comes to my heart, I can be quite reckless with it. And because of that tendency, I end up getting hurt, and with that hurt, self-doubt and lack of worth like to tag along as well, making me one giant, frustrating, blubbering mess. I so often struggle with self-worth. One thought that always seem to be bouncing around in my head is the idea that no one would ever be interested in me. Gosh. Just writing that makes me cringe in so many ways because I know how deeply pathetic that sounds. Nevertheless though, it's true.
About a week or so ago, my roommate told me something that I hold very close to my heart. She told me that one day I would find someone who finds all of my "quirks" adorable. I know it sounds rather vain of me but at the time, I found comfort in these words because I feel like such an oddball most days and the idea that a guy would not only accept those quirks but also love them made me feel hopeful. And I think part of the reason most of us want to be married or in relationships, is because we so badly desire to have someone who understands and accepts us just as we are.
I think you all probably know where I'm going with this, but I think God is trying to bring me to a place where I realize that I have this already. I have someone who looks at me with love and understanding. Someone who finds my quirks endearing. Which is good since He happens to be the one that made me.
How weird is it to think that the being that created us, not only looks at us with love but also delights in us? Like...He doesn't look at us, shake his head and moan about all the mistakes we make. He doesn't wish that He could just crumple us up and start over again. He delights in us. I have heard that phrase so so SO much, but I feel like today it is starting to impact me in a different way. Or maybe God is softening my heart to accept this as a truth. Either way, it's incredibly comforting and I am deeply thankful for it.
I can't end this post with any concluding idea, mainly since I feel that I've just started this...healing? May I call it that? process. In fact, I feel rather raw and my prayer this week has been that God would literally place his hands over mine and hold my heart together since I can't seem to do a very good job at it. But I can say that not only is this going to bring me closer to God, but it's also teaching me the true meaning of joy. Joy is not an emotion, but rather a state of mind. And despite how hurt I may feel, how can I not have joy when I have a creator who delights in me?
What a beautiful thought that is.
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Be.
Have you ever had those times in your life when you feel like you keep hearing the same message over and over again? And I don't mean the actual same message, but more like the same idea. For example, let's say you are currently having problems with fear and it seems that every church service you go to, the message of being courageous seems to be hitting you in the face. Know what I mean? God is funny that way, I suppose.
Lately, the only message I seem to be hearing is the message to love. And not just to love people, but to love the church.
That should be easy, right? After all I am a Christian. And being raised in the church can produce some really beautiful things. However, there is the tendency for cynicism to grow from that beauty.
And if I can be accused of anything, it is having the penchant to look at things from a cynical standpoint. Especially church-related things.
I have oh so very many opinions about the modern church. I'm not entirely thrilled with it. I listen to messages with a cynical outlook, I approach fellowship with a guarded heart, and I worship with a wariness as to whether or not the band is actually singing from a genuine heart or the desire to showcase their talents. In fact, I could write countless posts on all of the things I disagree with in the church.
However.
I could sit here and rant until I'm blue in the face, but talk is never going to get me anywhere. Only action will. And it seems the action God wants me to take is one that doesn't seem to involve much action at all...to stay. In fact, if I'm interpreting the messages I've been hearing every second*, then I think what I need to be doing is not just talking about all the things I disagree with, but to actually start doing something about them.
I should take this moment to be honest. I am not a patient person. I am the exact opposite of a patient person. Which doesn't make sense, considering generally I'm a pretty laid back person. However, when I want something done, I want it done now. Especially when it is something that I am passionate about. It's horrible I know. I wish I had the patience of a nun, but I do not. At least not right now. God and I are working on that.
And let's be honest. Change so rarely happens quickly. In fact, it seems to move with all the speed and purpose of a disabled sloth. And that is quite frustrating when you are an impatient person with a heart for ministry that is longing for the church to stop being such a slug and actually be the church God wants us to be. But once again, complaining about it will never solve anything.
So I have a problem with the way Christians love each other? Well then, I'll pray that God sends those who don't feel loved into my path. I hate the legalism and move towards religious nonsense that some churches seem to be leading with? Well then, I work on viewing others without bias and judgement, and focus on the things that matter. Like loving and being a servant to everyone.
It's pretty simple and cliche stuff. It just seems to be hitting me in a new way lately. Probably because God has been throwing it in my face every chance, but whatever. It's finally sticking.
And that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop blogging about my various *ahem* disagreements about the church. I am an opinionated person. That will never change. However, action is going to accompany these posts and hopefully I'll be able to share some thrilling news soon. But probably not, because once again...change is a sloth.
Anyways...today is the first day of October! How joyous! Everyone should love this month. It is seriously the best of the Autumn season. Pumpkins, Halloween, sweater weather...EVERYTHING. So please go and enjoy all that you can out of this glorious month.
Lately, the only message I seem to be hearing is the message to love. And not just to love people, but to love the church.
That should be easy, right? After all I am a Christian. And being raised in the church can produce some really beautiful things. However, there is the tendency for cynicism to grow from that beauty.
And if I can be accused of anything, it is having the penchant to look at things from a cynical standpoint. Especially church-related things.
I have oh so very many opinions about the modern church. I'm not entirely thrilled with it. I listen to messages with a cynical outlook, I approach fellowship with a guarded heart, and I worship with a wariness as to whether or not the band is actually singing from a genuine heart or the desire to showcase their talents. In fact, I could write countless posts on all of the things I disagree with in the church.
However.
I could sit here and rant until I'm blue in the face, but talk is never going to get me anywhere. Only action will. And it seems the action God wants me to take is one that doesn't seem to involve much action at all...to stay. In fact, if I'm interpreting the messages I've been hearing every second*, then I think what I need to be doing is not just talking about all the things I disagree with, but to actually start doing something about them.
I should take this moment to be honest. I am not a patient person. I am the exact opposite of a patient person. Which doesn't make sense, considering generally I'm a pretty laid back person. However, when I want something done, I want it done now. Especially when it is something that I am passionate about. It's horrible I know. I wish I had the patience of a nun, but I do not. At least not right now. God and I are working on that.
And let's be honest. Change so rarely happens quickly. In fact, it seems to move with all the speed and purpose of a disabled sloth. And that is quite frustrating when you are an impatient person with a heart for ministry that is longing for the church to stop being such a slug and actually be the church God wants us to be. But once again, complaining about it will never solve anything.
So I have a problem with the way Christians love each other? Well then, I'll pray that God sends those who don't feel loved into my path. I hate the legalism and move towards religious nonsense that some churches seem to be leading with? Well then, I work on viewing others without bias and judgement, and focus on the things that matter. Like loving and being a servant to everyone.
It's pretty simple and cliche stuff. It just seems to be hitting me in a new way lately. Probably because God has been throwing it in my face every chance, but whatever. It's finally sticking.
And that doesn't mean that I'm going to stop blogging about my various *ahem* disagreements about the church. I am an opinionated person. That will never change. However, action is going to accompany these posts and hopefully I'll be able to share some thrilling news soon. But probably not, because once again...change is a sloth.
Anyways...today is the first day of October! How joyous! Everyone should love this month. It is seriously the best of the Autumn season. Pumpkins, Halloween, sweater weather...EVERYTHING. So please go and enjoy all that you can out of this glorious month.
Monday, August 19, 2013
The Necessisties of Learning to Let Go
I'm currently moving out of my apartment. Although I've literally had the entire summer, I've waited until two weeks before I have to be out to actually do some serious packing, which is just so typically me. But I've truly fallen in love with this apartment. Although I am sincerely very excited for this upcoming year, this apartment has been my home for the past two years and I'm having a hard time letting go of it.
See, I am the type of person who assigns meaning to everything in my life. It's a little ridiculous, actually. I hold onto things with such an incredible strength. And not just things. People, relationships, and on the most shallow terms, material possessions (confession: I may be something of a hoarder...but not too bad, I promise!) And the worst part of all of it, is that many times the relationships I insist on keeping are not the best for me.
Anyways, I was reading through Matthew 4 the other day, and this passage really struck me:
"Jesus called out to them, 'Come, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!' And they left their nets at once and followed him. A little farther up the shore he saw two other brothers, James and John...and He called them to come, too. They immediately followed him, leaving the boat and their father behind." -Matthew 4:19-22I'm no theologian by any means, but I feel like this passage makes it pretty clear that after just a few short words, the disciples immediately dropped what they were doing and followed after Jesus.
What. The. Heck.
Can we all just collectively take a moment to let that sink in? It's kind of mind-blowing when you actually think about it, right? Well...at least it is for me.
I don't exactly know how to put into words why I find this so amazing, partly because it is late and my thoughts are not at their most coherent right now (I should really stop night blogging) but also because my mind can't fully wrap around how awesome this idea is.
I mean think about it. What did the disciples do before they were disciples? Obviously they had lives and families and maybe even girlfriends (did they have girlfriend's back then? Who knows.) Maybe they even had successful lives, but what I'm trying to get at is, in that moment when Jesus called them, their personal lives didn't matter. Whatever they had going on paled in comparison to the call of Jesus and they left it all to follow Him.
If I'm being completely honest here, I think God could physically stand before me and lay out a picture-by-picture plan of what He wants out of me and I would still find some way to doubt Him. Because I hold onto people and things with such ferocity, I seem to continuously fight Him on what to let go of. I live in this mentality that what and who I've surrounded myself with is what is best for me. And so many times, it's the complete opposite. My life would be so much better...so much healthier and so much more focused on the things that matter, if I could just have the faith to let go of these distractions.
This is so cliche but letting go is hard. It hurts. It hurts insanely bad. Especially when it involves letting go of someone you truly care about. It seems so nonsensical. Why would God want us to let go of people who bring so much happiness? However, I think what I'm learning is that when you hold on so tightly to someone, it blinds you to their faults. You can't see how unhealthy it really is. You don't want to see the negativity in it.
And how amazing is it, that God loves us so much that He calls us to let go of these people and things for our own good? It may hurt at the moment, but it's going to save us from so much pain. And it just blows my mind that even in the times when I question and I fight God on this, He is still looking out for me.
Man. God is just so sneakily awesome sometimes.
I want to get to the point that the only thing I cling to is God. I want to be able to have the ability to drop my current life and chase after whatever He has for me. People are truly so wonderful and God places people in our lives to help grow us and have awesome friendships with, but in the end, I don't want these relationships to become hindrances to the life that He has called me to.
As always I hope this made a modicum of sense, even though I think I am rambling. And I think I'm rambling in a repetitive way, but I just feel like I have not done a good job with this post. I feel like I am using this to yell at myself, which sounds extremely odd but this has to be one of the biggest obstacles in my life currently. And I don't want it to be that way anymore.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Relieving Love
People are beautiful. Sometimes frustrating, sometimes annoying, but always beautiful.
And I forget that too easily.
Why is it so incredibly hard for us to love each other? I know the logical answer, or I should say the "Sunday school" answer: that we are sinful human beings who are fighting against our flesh's desire for selfishness. And that's true. Completely true. However, that doesn't change the fact that I wish it came easier to me than it does.
Lately I've been reading Blue Like Jazz, and let me tell you...that book is blowing my mind. I definitely recommend it. Anywho, there's a part in the book that literally made me just stop and say "what in the world" and then when I really thought about it, I realized that part should not have shocked me. Let me set the scene for you:
The author of the book is Donald Miller, who I believe at the time was auditing a class at Reed College, which according to him is said to be one of the most "godless" campuses. Miller was a part of a small group of Christians who wanted to do something for God and their community during the annual Ren Fayre, which is basically a weekend of partying and fun. To make a long summary short, they decided to set up a Confession Booth available to anyone who wanted to check it out during the weekend. However, there's a twist. The Confession booth wasn't about these non-believers confessing their sins to believers...it was actually the other way around. The Christians were confessing their sins, and apologizing for the many terrible things that have been done under the name of God and all the ways in which Christians have been lacking.
Wait, what? We should apologize for that stuff?
It seems so simple right? When I hear about the crusades or even in most recent events, the truly despicable things that Westboro Baptist has done, I've always just written them off as fanatics who completely misunderstood the message of God. People who truly had no idea who He was; people who didn't actually believe in the same God that I do. Here's the thing though, just because I know that, and you may know that...non-believers don't.
It's no secret that one of the biggest complaints against Christians is that we're hypocritical and judgmental. We hear that all the time. But I wonder, do we ever truly take credit for it? Do we ever actually own up to it?
Along with my Blue Like Jazz kick, I've also been somewhat obsessed with documentaries lately. I watched One Nation Under God and Beware of Christians, and it saddened me so much to listen to what people had to say about us. Not because it was hard to hear (although it was) it was more because all I wanted to do while watching was to run to them and reassure them that Jesus loves them so much more than they could every imagine and I felt like I had to apologize for myself and my fellow believers for misrepresenting and skewing that.
I was in the shelter of Christianity my whole life. Raised in church, went to a Christian school from fourth grade to senior year. Before coming to SU, I don't think I realized how truly judgmental I could be to non-Christians. I judged them for partying and drinking. I judged them for not caring about others. Just thinking about it, makes me so annoyed at myself because I had no right, and will never, have the right to judge others. I am a mess. I am full of brokenness and hurt and pain. I need God in all areas of my life. My weaknesses may never be with partying or drinking, but that doesn't mean I don't fall and stumble on a consistent basis with other sins. And it took a lot for me to finally realize that I needed to get over myself. I needed to stop being such a brat and truly love those around me.
I'm just going to be honest, I am really bad at loving others. Or let me re-phrase that. I love people. Like I said above, people to me are absolutely beautiful. But I have the tendency, once they hurt me or reject me, to reject them. I close off and I'm done. I can be entirely without grace. Isn't that just a bunch of silliness? I mean I believe in a God who is full of grace. I have done SO many things that has done little to warrant any grace from Him, but He freely gives it. So why can't I do the same?
It's because I let my own problems and struggles get in the way of loving others. But the whole point of love, is to be there for that person through whatever. The good, bad and ugly. Through the flaws. Because that's what we all are. Flawed, imperfect people. And I forget that so much. I forget that I am a flawed human being who is only alive through the grace of God. So how can I go throughout life, rejecting those who reject me, hating those who put up a fight and shunning those who hurt me? Genuine love goes beyond that. Genuine love is seeing past that and to the person inside who is lost and scared and in desperate need of a God who will love them unconditionally.
Recently I started attending a new church. I think I'm a bit of a church hopper. However, I do think I've found a home in this church. Not because it is without flaws, or has the perfect worship band and pastor. It's because of the overwhelming sense of community and love I felt upon entering that place. It is breathtaking to witness a church of believers who genuinely live out this kind of love. Not only is it a beautiful thing to witness as a fellow believer, but it is truly encouraging to be a recipient of this love. And I desire SO much to be the kind of person who loves others above myself. Above my selfish desires.
Gosh. I don't even know what this post has become. It's definitely not what I intended to write about. It just kind of had a mind of it's own. Hopefully though, this has made some sort of sense.
And I forget that too easily.
Why is it so incredibly hard for us to love each other? I know the logical answer, or I should say the "Sunday school" answer: that we are sinful human beings who are fighting against our flesh's desire for selfishness. And that's true. Completely true. However, that doesn't change the fact that I wish it came easier to me than it does.
Lately I've been reading Blue Like Jazz, and let me tell you...that book is blowing my mind. I definitely recommend it. Anywho, there's a part in the book that literally made me just stop and say "what in the world" and then when I really thought about it, I realized that part should not have shocked me. Let me set the scene for you:
The author of the book is Donald Miller, who I believe at the time was auditing a class at Reed College, which according to him is said to be one of the most "godless" campuses. Miller was a part of a small group of Christians who wanted to do something for God and their community during the annual Ren Fayre, which is basically a weekend of partying and fun. To make a long summary short, they decided to set up a Confession Booth available to anyone who wanted to check it out during the weekend. However, there's a twist. The Confession booth wasn't about these non-believers confessing their sins to believers...it was actually the other way around. The Christians were confessing their sins, and apologizing for the many terrible things that have been done under the name of God and all the ways in which Christians have been lacking.
Wait, what? We should apologize for that stuff?
It seems so simple right? When I hear about the crusades or even in most recent events, the truly despicable things that Westboro Baptist has done, I've always just written them off as fanatics who completely misunderstood the message of God. People who truly had no idea who He was; people who didn't actually believe in the same God that I do. Here's the thing though, just because I know that, and you may know that...non-believers don't.
It's no secret that one of the biggest complaints against Christians is that we're hypocritical and judgmental. We hear that all the time. But I wonder, do we ever truly take credit for it? Do we ever actually own up to it?
Along with my Blue Like Jazz kick, I've also been somewhat obsessed with documentaries lately. I watched One Nation Under God and Beware of Christians, and it saddened me so much to listen to what people had to say about us. Not because it was hard to hear (although it was) it was more because all I wanted to do while watching was to run to them and reassure them that Jesus loves them so much more than they could every imagine and I felt like I had to apologize for myself and my fellow believers for misrepresenting and skewing that.
I was in the shelter of Christianity my whole life. Raised in church, went to a Christian school from fourth grade to senior year. Before coming to SU, I don't think I realized how truly judgmental I could be to non-Christians. I judged them for partying and drinking. I judged them for not caring about others. Just thinking about it, makes me so annoyed at myself because I had no right, and will never, have the right to judge others. I am a mess. I am full of brokenness and hurt and pain. I need God in all areas of my life. My weaknesses may never be with partying or drinking, but that doesn't mean I don't fall and stumble on a consistent basis with other sins. And it took a lot for me to finally realize that I needed to get over myself. I needed to stop being such a brat and truly love those around me.
I'm just going to be honest, I am really bad at loving others. Or let me re-phrase that. I love people. Like I said above, people to me are absolutely beautiful. But I have the tendency, once they hurt me or reject me, to reject them. I close off and I'm done. I can be entirely without grace. Isn't that just a bunch of silliness? I mean I believe in a God who is full of grace. I have done SO many things that has done little to warrant any grace from Him, but He freely gives it. So why can't I do the same?
It's because I let my own problems and struggles get in the way of loving others. But the whole point of love, is to be there for that person through whatever. The good, bad and ugly. Through the flaws. Because that's what we all are. Flawed, imperfect people. And I forget that so much. I forget that I am a flawed human being who is only alive through the grace of God. So how can I go throughout life, rejecting those who reject me, hating those who put up a fight and shunning those who hurt me? Genuine love goes beyond that. Genuine love is seeing past that and to the person inside who is lost and scared and in desperate need of a God who will love them unconditionally.
Recently I started attending a new church. I think I'm a bit of a church hopper. However, I do think I've found a home in this church. Not because it is without flaws, or has the perfect worship band and pastor. It's because of the overwhelming sense of community and love I felt upon entering that place. It is breathtaking to witness a church of believers who genuinely live out this kind of love. Not only is it a beautiful thing to witness as a fellow believer, but it is truly encouraging to be a recipient of this love. And I desire SO much to be the kind of person who loves others above myself. Above my selfish desires.
Gosh. I don't even know what this post has become. It's definitely not what I intended to write about. It just kind of had a mind of it's own. Hopefully though, this has made some sort of sense.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)