Spoon-Fed Christianity

There are many, many wonderful things about growing up in the church. For one thing, I know all the words and hand motions to some pretty spankin' Sunday school songs. Don't believe me? I will gladly participate in (and win) a Sunday school sing-off. Seriously. I go HARD on "Pharaoh, Pharaoh".

In addition to having a very handy repertoire of really catchy songs, it's an incredible blessing to have been raised in that environment. Despite whatever feelings I may have towards a place, I cannot deny the underlying sense of peace I get as soon as I step into a church. Growing up, I always saw the church as my second home, a place I could run to for safety and strength. Like I said, it is a huge blessing. 

However. There is also a downside to have been raised in the church.

Before I begin (she says three paragraphs down...whoops) I should say this post isn't meant to offend. In the past, I think that I could often write with the intention to offend others but this is not one of those times. This is something that I feel very strongly about and would like to share.

I think one of the greatest things about college is how much your mind is opened and stretched. You are introduced to so much and given the opportunity to think deeply and become passionate about things you had never thought about before. It's really an amazing thing, the ability to think for yourself. This is something I'm not sure I did a whole lot of growing up.

Oh, I've always been very opinionated (and very vocal about said opinions) but when it came to my faith, I pretty much just accepted whatever was said to me. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. There are a lot of negative things I could say about the church I grew up in, but one thing I cannot fault them for is their doctrine. That church has a strong biblical foundation and I am very thankful for it. So really, the things that I was being taught were based in biblical truth. They were great things to accept.

But whatever my pastor believed, I believed. Whatever thing he felt was wrong, I felt was wrong. Whatever my youth pastor told me I shouldn't do, I didn't do. And so on. My faith was not my own. I didn't take the time to form opinions of my own. Instead, I relied on others to tell me what I should believe. I was unmotivated to read and study my bible, so many times I took the easy way out. Their faith became my faith.

I wish I could say this was my own personal experience, but I can't. Unfortunately, I think it's a growing trend among Christians in the church, especially the younger generation. While working with youth, I've had teens come up to me and tell me that my tattoos are sinful, guns are great and we should all vote republican (seriously). There's nothing wrong with those opinions, I don't agree or disagree. But what I want to know is why. Why are those things bad? Is it because you have read and studied the bible and somehow come to that conclusion, or is it because you were told it was wrong? Most of the time the answer is the latter. That is what breaks my heart.

And it's not that I'm placing the blame wholly on the church. That would be silly of me. A good chunk of the "blame" should be placed on us. We as humans are lazy. We naturally look for the easy way out and what is more easy than being told what to do and what to believe?
  
We need to think. 

Maybe I'm taking this too far, but I think there is a subtle fear of thinking and asking questions. I think it's because we've seen so many people start to question their faith and then walk away so we're scared of it. But here's the thing. Too often people question their faith and don't make an effort to seek any answers. But if you really earnestly seek out the answers to your questions, I think those times of doubt can actually bring you closer to God. I think it solidifies your faith.   

We need a hunger. A desire to dig deeper into our faith and make it our own. We can't let ourselves become lazy and unmotivated and we can't let our faith be built on anything other than God. 

Because currently, I think we are raising a generation of lazy Christians. I know that sounds harsh, but we live in a culture where most atheists know more about the bible than the majority of Christians do. Just think about that. Let that sink in. People who don't even believe in God, know more about Him than those of us who say we will gladly give our lives to Him.

Like most of my posts, I'm not sure what this has become. I think what I'm attempting to say is think. Study the bible, form questions, seek godly advice and know what it is that you are professing to believe in.Don't just take everything your pastor tells you at face value, because as great as he is, he is still human. And we as humans are prone to fault. 

Make your faith your own, build it on God. Don't become a spoon-fed Christian.

To Go With Intention

I've come to the conclusion that the phrase "I care about you" has become something we throw around too casually. We say it often, we say it with ease, and most times, we say it without truly understanding the weight attached to those words.

And what do those words mean? What does it mean to truly care about someone? Is just saying the words enough? Obviously the answer is clear: no, it's not enough. To care about someone, you need to put action behind your words. Some intentionality.

I think this is something our culture, especially the Christian one, has lost: the ability to be intentional with others. Which is truly unfortunate because intentionality is such a beautiful and memorable thing.

I think to be intentional with someone, it means you have to go beyond yourself. You have to take a step out of your comfort zone and put others before. And though that should be an easy thing to do, especially as a believer, often times it's one of the hardest to accomplish. Whether it's the fear of looking or sounding like an idiot, being too shy, or just not wanting to "deal" with others, we've lost the art of noticing. And, therefore, I think we've also lost the art of caring about others.

This past summer was difficult. It was challenging and painful in ways I've never had to deal with and for most of the summer, I felt weak and weighed down by burdens that seemed impossible to bear on my own. And despite being surrounded by many who earnestly told me they cared for me, few were willing to put actions behind those words. 

See, I am not the type of person who willingly shares. It's not an easy process for me to undergo. I hate the thought of burdening others with my problems that seem so insignificant, so I bottle up everything inside until I feel like I'm at my breaking point. And I was at my breaking point almost everyday last summer. I know this is going to sound corny or dramatic, but I just remember practically begging God to make someone notice me. Notice that everything was not okay and somehow know that I desperately needed someone to talk to. And to be honest, no one really did.

Please understand this post is not coming from a place of resentment or bitterness. It's coming from a place of conviction. Because despite having felt such a great need for someone to notice me, I fail on a daily basis to notice others. I hide behind excuses of being too busy, or not having enough time to "adequately" invest in someone. And honestly, all of those excuses are just crap (sorry, sometimes that word is needed). I do have time. I know I do. I'm currently sitting here, writing this post, so obviously I have time in my "oh so busy" schedule to be intentional with others.

I just...I don't want others to feel the way I did. I'm not saying that if someone had pulled me aside one day and asked me "how are you" that it would have magically made everything better, but it would have given me encouragement. Because I think that is the heart of caring for others; encouraging them, giving them hope to face whatever is going on in their life. Hope is such a powerful thing and we have the ability to offer it to others, but we don't. And I don't know why.

Roxie (the housedog) is currently looking at me like I've lost my mind because I am practically punching my keyboard and getting a little fired up. So I'll take a breath from my ranting.

It's just genuine intentionality is so rare to find and I think that means we remember the times we have encountered it. I always remember those people who made an effort to notice me and make me feel comfortable. And I so desire to be that for someone else. Not because I want to be remembered, but because I want to let them know that there is someone out there who is praying for them and offering hope and encouragement. 

We've been talking about this in my bible study and it's been hitting me hard. I have spent the majority of my college years practically ignoring those around me and now that I only have a few short months left, I want to make the most of it. I want to notice them, to listen to what they aren't saying, to be the person they can unload to, to care about them. I don't want to be just another person who doesn't recklessly throw around words with any weight behind them. 

I want to go with intention. 

The Season of Singleness

I'd like to talk about settling.

The notion of "settling" is tricky. You can come across vain and specific if you refuse to settle for those who don't match your values. However, if you do settle, you are scolded and told that you are a coward. What a confusing society we live in.

And not only is it confusing, but it is impatient.

Has anyone else felt this? The rush to get married as soon as you hit your twenties? Maybe it's just me, but I feel it. It is tangible.

And maybe I'm wrong in this, but I think the pressure to get married quickly is so much stronger in the Christian society. It's almost like, before marriage, your life has little meaning. Being single equates to unhappiness and an unfulfilled life, while marriage means fulfillment and peace.

Do you know how hard it is to remain content in God when this is the mentality that is being pushed on you?

I think marriage is a beautiful thing and I would very much like to be married one day. I just don't want to feel like I am not a "full" person because I haven't found my "other half" yet. I don't want to feel rushed to the point where I'll just settle for anyone.

I've been told so many times, that I should settle. That my values are too specific and that I'll never find someone who shares them. And just to be clear, when I talk about my values, it has nothing to do with outward appearance. I joke quite a bit about my "type" but honestly, looks do not matter to me at all.

No. When I talk about values, I am talking about the things that are held at the core of your being, the things that make you who you are. Those unmovable, concrete beliefs. I want to be with someone whose heart is so in love with God that he would drop me in a second if that's what God called him to do. I know that sounds weird, but I just want both of us to be so in tune with God that we would do anything and go anywhere He called us. That's one of my values. And I just think there is something so beautiful in finding someone who shares those and being able to spend the rest of your life with that person. So why would I want to rush into something that is so sacred and beautiful?

Too many times I think we believe that if we are with someone who is "whole", we'll end up being whole as well. That our brokenness will somehow disappear. I think that is an absolute lie. If there is anything that I have learned this semester, it's that our worth will never be found in others. It can only be found in God. And it should only be found in God.

So I think I'll settle for not settling.

We are a society that rushes into everything and patience has become a dying art. This season is a season. It's not a time where God is being mean and keeping me away from someone. I think He is using it to grow, heal and teach me how to find my fulfillment and worth in Him.

And not only that, but in the most shallow sense of everything, it's a time where I kinda get to do what I want. I know that sounds awful but seriously. This is the only time you can  really travel, be spontaneous and go on adventures. The time where you really get to discover who you are and learn how to be content on your own. It's a very special and humbling time, I think.

Until I See You Face to Face

"...God’s home is now with his people. He will live with them, and they will be his own. Yes, God will make his home among his people. He will wipe all tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death, suffering, crying, or pain. These things of the past are gone forever."

-Revelation 21:3-4

Today I finished reading Revelation. I have a habit of reading through it every few months because I find the whole book to be so fascinating.

What I love most about it, well actually the whole Bible, is that it's never the same when you read it. And what I mean by that is there is always something new to be learned or something that you previously read becomes alive in a different way.

I am always wary of writing about heaven because it's so far beyond my comprehension. It's a beautiful mystery that we will never be able to fully solve with our human minds. Which is actually pretty exciting. But as I was reading the verse above, it just hit me that we are going to live with God. I knew this already, but we get to see Him face to face and dwell with Him. How amazing is that?

Earlier in the week, I was talking with my roommates about those moments in worship where you wish your legs and arms could stretch higher; where you wish you could just do more than your physical limitations. We also talked about how disappointing it is that so many times after worship, all you want to do is dwell in God's presence but then the lights come back on and suddenly everything goes back to "normal". But in heaven, those moments don't go away. We get to spend eternity worshiping God and never leaving His presence.

I think what made it so real to me today was the fact that this week has been a bit rough. There have been moments of pain and heartache. And in those moments, I had the childish desire of just wanting a physical hug from God. It seems silly, but that's what I wanted. I wanted to feel His arms around me, holding me close and reassuring me of His love and faithfulness. I wanted Him here and I wanted to see Him. And not that it's impossible for God to come down and do that, God is God. He can do whatever He wants. But (and I want to choose my words carefully) it's not something that really happens. Which is why I think this verse just soothed all of that pain. Not only does it say "He will wipe all tears from their eyes", but also that "He will make his home among his people". And it's just...wow! You know? We get to live with God. Heaven is where we belong. Our hearts will never be fully satisfied here on earth, because it's not our home. Our home is with God. 

I am seriously in awe but doing a horrible job of putting my thoughts down into words. It's just...in those moments, in those oh so human moments where we feel like we are at our lowest point and are literally on our knees begging God to show Himself, I feel like He is there, holding us and whispering "soon." And I think that sounds a little creepy but that isn't my intention.

It blows my mind that my dad is waiting for me. My Heavenly Father is waiting for me to come home to the place where I belong. And I'm not saying that I am wishing for death, I know my time will come when it comes. It's just...we have a home, where we completely belong, waiting for us. And I find so much beauty and comfort in that knowledge.

The Corporate Mindset of the Modern Church

What separates a church from a corporation? And I'm not talking about the technical or logistical things, such as taxes and whatnot. I'm talking about motives.

Every corporation has a motto. A one-sentence summary of their core values and what their company stands for. The motto is everything, but the motto is also a lie. Corporations have a bad reputation for a reason. They are cold. People are reduced to numbers. Numbers that are often indispensable. They run on profit and efficiency, not compassion and emotion.

So again, I ask: What separates a church from a corporation?

The answer should be obvious. In fact, we are probably quick to point out the differences. But what happens when we look deeper? When you take a closer look, especially at the members of a church, the lines between business and church start to become blurry.

For example, let's talk about volunteers. There are many ways in which the church is lacking, but is there a bigger instance of the church acting like a jerk than when it comes to volunteers? The way they are treated, the way I have been treated as a volunteer is just wrong. Not only are so many people guilted into serving, but we expect them to show the same amount of dedication to volunteering as they do their jobs. They are exhausted. Seriously, churches have you taken a look at your volunteers? Do they seem to be serving from a heart of joy? We are literally running people into the ground. And yet, we still find the audacity to chastise them out of a misplaced sense of self-righteousness. 

Oi. I'm sorry. This is something that fills me with so much anger. Actually, the whole topic just makes me mad. 

I know I am hard on the church. But you end up being the hardest on the things you love the most. And guys, I do love the church. Which is why it literally breaks my heart to see it in this way. I know the only way to change what I see is to love the church. And I am trying. It's just...my heart hurts for the church. I want so much to see it become what it should be.   

I just...I have sadly witnessed one too many churches that have adopted a business-like mindset. And nothing seems more illogical to me than that. A church should not be run on what is most efficient or profitable to itself. At it's core, at the fundamental level, a church should be run on heart. Otherwise what's the point? Without compassion and love, all you're left with is a cold building filled with obligation and apathy.

Pardon my Insignificance

I am never made more aware of just how truly small I am then when I look up at the stars. 

I suppose it's a lot like staring at the ocean. It goes on and on, further than your mind can even seem to comprehend. And while staring at it, it seems to get bigger, and closer. Almost to the point where you think you can reach out and hold it in the palm of your hand. However, we all know that can't be done, because the ocean and the night sky are things that we can never fully touch.We can't ever think to contain it. Coming face to face with that much raw beauty really forces you to put your life into focus.

James 4:14 says "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." 

The fact that James refers to our lives to something as fleeting as mist really puts things into perspective. I mean..can you imagine what our lives would look like if we truly realized our own insignificance? 

I know that sounds rather mean, but that isn't my intention. It's just that I have the unfortunate habit of letting the silliest of things get in the way of my relationship with God. I allow these completely mundane things, whether it be a guy, anxiety over something out of my control, or just an "off" day, to become giant hurdles in my walk with God.

For example, tonight was amazing. I am apart of an on-campus ministry and I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing it has been to me this semester. And tonight the speaker was ON POINT...actually the whole night was just on point, there's no other way to describe it. And yet, even while listening to this amazing message, I was struggling to keep my focus on the right things. It was shifting to myself and I was letting someone determine my level of confidence and self value. How utterly ridiculous of me to focus on something so small.

I just feel that if I truly had a clear understanding of what James is saying, these things wouldn't matter so much. I'm not saying that they would go away and staying focused on God would be as simple as tying your shoe (which okay, maybe not the best analogy...learning how to tie a shoe can be a quite difficult goal to achieve).  And I think since we live in a fallen world, there will always be things fighting to keep our attention away. However, I believe I would operate with a less self-involved mindset if I truly came to the realization that my life, as a whole, is nothing but a disappearing mist.

We never want to openly talk about it, but our time here on earth is so short. There are days, or even years that may seem long, but in the grand scheme of things, our lives are so insignificant. And instead of spending so much energy focusing on the oh so very dumb, small things, why not use it to actually do something worthwhile for God? 

Just a thought.

Sleeper Awake

"Therefore it says, 'Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"
-Ephesians 5:14

Have you ever felt a burden before? They can be quite troublesome sometimes. I have one and I think it's quite obvious what it is for. The reason I blog about the church all the time is because it weighs on my heart and my mind daily.

(Before I begin, I would like to say that I am including myself in this scolding.)

Anyways.

Last Sunday I was at church and I noticed that so many people around me were talking and having their own conversations during. And I know I shouldn't have let it bother me. I should have just ignored it and kept worshiping. Except I couldn't because nothing bothers me more than people being disrespectful during worship. It just...oh my it is a huge pet peeve. And while it frustrates me, I can't imagine what it must feel like to the worship leader to look out on the congregation and see this. It must not feel very nice. 

What hypocrites we are. We sing songs about fire and a passion for God that burns deep within us, but we can't even summon enough energy to pay attention during a fifteen minute worship service. 

I know I rag on pastoral leadership quite often but it's no wonder so many  are discouraged. We as a congregation are discouraging.

I know that we all have our low moments and can't have those "mountaintop" moments every single day of the year (although it would be rather lovely, wouldn't it?) I understand that. In fact, I'm quite guilty of determining whether or not a service was "good" by what songs were played, or how talented the worship leader was. Which is entirely wrong and ridiculous. However, what I can't seem to understand is this persistent feeling of apathy and deadness that seems to permeate so many modern church services. 

Where is our fire? Our boldness? Our life?

Come on, Church.