You Make It Beautiful

The funny thing about pasts is how hard we seem to work to keep them there.

So profound right? Just kidding.

Seriously though. Isn't it funny how scared some of us are about our pasts? And we all know that anything we fear often has a significant amount of power over our lives. And none of us want that. Still, we cling to this idea that our pasts are so shameful that we need to bury them forever. Why do we do this? And maybe it's just me, but sometimes I think we as Christians go along with this and even encourage others to do the same. Maybe it's because of the whole "die to yourself" thing (not decreasing the value of that verse as it is one of my personal favorites), but we just seem to live with the idea that our pasts are ugly things never to be spoken of again. OR, on the opposite end of the spectrum, we only discuss our pasts when sharing our testimony. I feel like that's the only time it's really wholeheartedly accepted.

Here's the thing though. I love my past. Everything about my past. And no this does not mean that I am living too much in it, or glorifying and delighting in the less than stellar things I did. I'm just...thankful for it. I love that I didn't have much growing up. I learned the value of love and charity from others. And I am also extremely grateful that I grew up without a father. Sure, much of that was why I became so depressed but it has taught me, in a way nothing else could, how much Jesus loves me and how He is the most wonderful and fulfilling Daddy any person could ever want.

If you really think about it, many of the things we are passionate about today have stemmed from the things we went through in our past. For example, someone who used to be addicted to alcohol might now want to help others like him. Or in my case, since I spent a large chunk of my life feeling pretty worthless, I have a passion for teens who feel the same way. I want to help them. I want to use my life as an example to them that they can get through it.

It's just such a testimony of how God can make anything beautiful, ya know? Like seriously...think about it. How crazy is it that the moments we have felt the dirtiest, and ugliest are the moments that God can work in amazing ways? Oh my goodness. Just writing this, I feel completely overwhelmed by how much He works in things. It's just truly inspiring and fills me with so much happiness. I am so thankful for a God that can find beauty in the filthiest parts of my life. 

I have no idea if any of this actually made sense, but I just felt like I wanted to write about this. I am completely aware that this post will be full of cliches and things you already know, but I'd like to write about it anyways please and thank you.