Tuesday, June 26, 2012

All your faults to me make you more beautiful

Curtsey of Kelsi via tumblr:)

I was sitting in church Sunday morning and something the pastor said really stuck with me. He said "everyone is broken." Of course, I already knew this. It's an obvious fact of life. Yet for some reason, that simple statement resonated with me. And it took me awhile to figure out why.

I realized that lately I had become so wrapped up in my own brokenness that I was starting to isolate myself into my own special category. A category that allowed me to separate the brokenness in my life as something unique. Something that few people could understand. 

How ridiculous.

I realized that I was letting myself get so wrapped up in my problems that I was ignoring the pain of others. I was intent on focusing only on my own hurt and refusing to see that others were in need of comfort also. Pain, unfortunately, is everywhere. So is brokenness. I suppose that comes from living in a fallen world. It comes from many things. Rash decisions, selfish choices, and sometimes unavoidable situations. I don't think there is one person in the world who hasn't experienced some kind of hurt in their life. It's not all the same, but I don't think it's fair to "rank" it. Yes, to an outside observer, some pain may seem greater than others, but every person experiences hurt in their own way.  It's not our place to judge. But I'm on a tangent (really you can't blame me if this post doesn't flow. It is 1am.)


Like the picture above says, Everyone is broken but if you continue to live in that mentality it becomes your defining trait. Once you give yourself over to brokenness, it can become incredibly hard to take yourself out of it. In it's own twisted way, it becomes comfortable and you feel safe in that label. Living in that state allows you to keep your defenses up. And if your defenses are up then no one can hurt you. You have control over who you allow into your life and who doesn't get the privilege to know you. I'm discovering how easy it is to live that way and not even realize it. But I'm also realizing how many opportunities and how much of life can be missed out on living that way. And it isn't worth it.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with brokenness. In fact, it can be a powerful tool for good. It can help others. It teaches life lessons and it can be a step to becoming closer with God. It's only if we let ourselves fall completely into it and let it define us. That's when it becomes dangerous.

It's not easy getting over brokenness. I still have a lot in me that feels damaged and broken, but I also know that I'm not allowing myself to become consumed in it. Why should I waste my time feeling sorry for myself when I can be helping others?

I'm beginning to see the beauty in brokenness. Or maybe I should say the opportunity. There are so many people out there who are broken. They need hope. So why should I focus on myself when I can be sharing the love of Jesus with others who need it the most?

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

I Want the Whole World to Come Dance with Me

The world is waiting.

The world is huge. Duh. But have you ever really thought about it? I mean there is SO much to it. So much to discover. I feel as though I've been subconsciously living in this mentality that I will be stuck in Maryland forever. I was thinking about what seminaries I could go to after I graduate that were here or at least in the surrounding states, and then it hit me. Why? Why was I limiting myself to this area? I could go to seminary in California, Florida or even England. 

Hello! I could end up anywhere.  

I have this desire to explore. I want pack everything in one bag and just travel. To anywhere and everywhere. I want to see the world. I want to witness other cultures and customs. I want to go to Africa and give as much love as I can to those kids. I want to give them TOMS shoes and see the joy on their faces. I want to go to Australia and surf and enjoy their low key lifestyle. I want to go to England and hear their amazing accents and go sight-seeing. And of course, traveling to Sweden and Iceland is a must because they have the coolest music. Not to mention Ireland, New Zealand, and even places in the US. 

There is so much to see. 

I was born with a restless heart. One that never seems to be content in anyplace for long. I have this...need. A need to move on, to try new things. A need that craves change. Of course I have fears. And I've let those fears and lack of money keep me from doing so many things. But in the undoubtedly wise words of Matt Thiessen, "overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fears". 

I don't know where I'm going to end up. I could end up in another country or state, or even Maryland. That's the beauty of it.  All I know is that I refuse to place anymore limitations on myself.

So. At the risk of sounding oh-so-cliche...

Let the adventures begin. 

Friday, June 1, 2012

Honey I'll Be Gone Before the Nightfall

Ahh Summer. 

Obviously it's the best season. There's no question about that, although fall is a close second. I don't know what exactly it is about summer that makes it so amazing. Maybe it's the incredibly beautiful blue skies, or the immediate warm "hug" you get once you step outside, or the feeling of hot sand between your toes at the beach, or being stupid at the pool, enjoying barbecues, playing outside with your friends, or sitting outside on your deck, sipping on some tea, enjoying an evening thunderstorm. I could go on an on. Summer is just so...busy. Yet relaxing a the same time. People are always outside, always doing something. It's a season of change. And this summer, I'm doing something different. 

I decided to stay in Salisbury this summer and live by myself. I know it's not really a big thing. After all, I'll only be living three hours away. I don't know exactly why, but for some reason I just felt this pressing need to stay in Salisbury this summer. Even as ugly and boring as it can be, I just feel really at home there. Don't get me wrong. I love Frederick. I just feel like I've outgrown it? I'm not sure if that is the right way to describe it...it sounds so snobby and "I'm better than you" and that's not what I mean. It's just...I don't feel like I quite belong here anymore. I don't really have a home church here anymore (not after that whole debacle last year) and my friends here...well we're all moving on with our lives, and we're at different places. I just feel less relate-able now and less like I fit in here. I don't think it has anything to do with those around me, I think it's just the kind of person I am. I've always loved change. I know, it's weird. But I'm the type of person who actually looks forward to changes and new things. I love meeting new people and I love doing things. ALL THE TIME. I want to take as much advantage as I can of being young. I mean, I'm only 20 (well 21 in three months but you know...) And I guess I just feel like living in Salisbury, I'll be able to do that. I have more opportunities to grow and change, at least more than I do in Frederick. I love the church I attend there, and for once there's actually a youth pastor that encourages me in what I want to do. I feel genuinely cared for there. It's a nice feeling. 

As much as I'm going to miss my family and even Frederick, I know Salisbury is where I'm supposed to be this summer. I can't wait to get started on my own little adventure there.