Thursday, December 26, 2013

The Season of Singleness

I'd like to talk about settling.

The notion of "settling" is tricky. You can come across vain and specific if you refuse to settle for those who don't match your values. However, if you do settle, you are scolded and told that you are a coward. What a confusing society we live in.

And not only is it confusing, but it is impatient.

Has anyone else felt this? The rush to get married as soon as you hit your twenties? Maybe it's just me, but I feel it. It is tangible.

And maybe I'm wrong in this, but I think the pressure to get married quickly is so much stronger in the Christian society. It's almost like, before marriage, your life has little meaning. Being single equates to unhappiness and an unfulfilled life, while marriage means fulfillment and peace.

Do you know how hard it is to remain content in God when this is the mentality that is being pushed on you?

I think marriage is a beautiful thing and I would very much like to be married one day. I just don't want to feel like I am not a "full" person because I haven't found my "other half" yet. I don't want to feel rushed to the point where I'll just settle for anyone.

I've been told so many times, that I should settle. That my values are too specific and that I'll never find someone who shares them. And just to be clear, when I talk about my values, it has nothing to do with outward appearance. I joke quite a bit about my "type" but honestly, looks do not matter to me at all.

No. When I talk about values, I am talking about the things that are held at the core of your being, the things that make you who you are. Those unmovable, concrete beliefs. I want to be with someone whose heart is so in love with God that he would drop me in a second if that's what God called him to do. I know that sounds weird, but I just want both of us to be so in tune with God that we would do anything and go anywhere He called us. That's one of my values. And I just think there is something so beautiful in finding someone who shares those and being able to spend the rest of your life with that person. So why would I want to rush into something that is so sacred and beautiful?

Too many times I think we believe that if we are with someone who is "whole", we'll end up being whole as well. That our brokenness will somehow disappear. I think that is an absolute lie. If there is anything that I have learned this semester, it's that our worth will never be found in others. It can only be found in God. And it should only be found in God.

So I think I'll settle for not settling.

We are a society that rushes into everything and patience has become a dying art. This season is a season. It's not a time where God is being mean and keeping me away from someone. I think He is using it to grow, heal and teach me how to find my fulfillment and worth in Him.

And not only that, but in the most shallow sense of everything, it's a time where I kinda get to do what I want. I know that sounds awful but seriously. This is the only time you can  really travel, be spontaneous and go on adventures. The time where you really get to discover who you are and learn how to be content on your own. It's a very special and humbling time, I think.

1 comment:

  1. As usual, well said!! One's life should be so much more about becoming the right spouse as opposed to finding the right spouse. I believe that God will honor that much more than our striving to find the "perfect" mate.